Sick and Tired

Well, no hockey last night. There was hockey to be played, but I couldn’t play it. I wound up catching a cold/flu type of thing from Barb, naturally right after my last treatment. I’ve been recovering ever since. Yesterday most of the congestion and stuff was gone, but every muscle in my body was unbelievably weak. I had to sit out my first game.

On the plus side, I was going through some of the Hodgkin’s message boards the other day and discovered that I actually am rather tough and unbelievable. Possibly even badass. There were many posts where the poster would talk about how long it took them to recover from each treatment, or people who had their last treatment a month ago and are wondering when they’ll be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing their breath.

I’m playing hockey and I still have three treatments to go.

In some ways, it makes me feel better, realizing that I really am tough when it comes to this stuff and understanding why the doctors and nurses look at me the way they do. On the other hand, when I feel like I feel now, I can’t just give in to the tired. I know that I’m stronger than this and it shouldn’t be bothering me, even though in all reality it probably should. It’s just a continuation of a neverending tug of war in my brain. Just one more way to beat myself up, I guess.

Next week, I’m back in the rink though. Just watch me.