It’s Over!!!!! I get to

It’s Over!!!!! I get to sleep in tomorrow morning!!! You know, as fun as the hockey clinic was, and as much as I learned throughout the week, I’m quite relieved to be done with it. I don’t know what I’m going to wind up doing with all of this spare time now.

The X-Men was (were?) a good movie. It was a little short, though. This is one of those that could have easily been a three hour movie. They just didn’t get into the characters very much. The movie’s centered around Wolverine, Rogue & Magneto, and everyone else is just sorta there in the wings. The left a HUGE gaping hole at the end of the movie, so expect X-Men II soon. Maybe then we’ll get to see the characters developed a little more.

I won’t give anything away, but I do want to relate one funny thought during the movie. The bad guy had abducted a person (see, I told you I wouldn’t spoil it) and we get this close-up shot of him looking around their layer. It’s apparently pretty cold in there, since we see his breath as he looks around at Mystique, Sabretooth, Toad and Magneto. My first thought? “I’m ready to tell you my secret now. I see mutants”.

Oh, and who’s superpower is it to keep a propane tank that’s on fire from exploding for like, five minutes?

One thing that stuck in my mind that won’t spoil things for you was the trailer period before the movie. There were two commercials (actual commercials, rather than those slide shows) of dotcoms. Bizarre. Jason Alexander for the Will Rogers Institute, a new Tom Hanks movie, which I think was called Castaway. Whoever did the trailer should be shot – they did a pretty lousy job of it. Anyway, from what I could tell, it looked like a little darker version of Joe vs. the Volcano, minus the floating luggage, Meg Ryan, the symbolism and the humor (although I believe a brain cloud to be a real disease, for I’m fairly certain I have one). Now comes the griping…

1) Someone needs to stop Hollywood. NOW! Point of No Return was kinda of okay, it had Bridget Fonda jutting that cute little jaw, not to mention Gabriel Byrne. It was no La Femme Nikita, but it was better than a lot of re-makes. Case in point – City of Angels. This Hollywoodization of Wings of Desire was just sickening. And this comes from someone who loves Meg Ryan, really likes Nicholas Cage and is always up for a Chick Flick. The only redeeming things in it were those two actors and the fact that it was shot here at the SF Public Library, one of my faves. Other than that, the only descriptive word applicable was “Ack.”

The one thing that made me all warm and tingly inside about that movie was the knowledge that Hollywood couldn’t stoop any lower. I was wrong. Enter Bedazzled. Now while I admit that Elizabeth Hurley is much more pleasing to the eye than Peter Cook, Poor Peter is spinning in his grave as we speak. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dudley Moore weren’t digging himself a grave just so he could leap in and start spinning himself. For all that’s good and holy, please do NOT see this film when it’s released! Go rent the original instead. Your soul will thank you for it.

Maybe what they need to do is show both versions in the theater at the same time. That way, people are required to see the original and discover just how dumbed down the new release is. Death Takes a Holiday before Meet Joe Black, The Shop Around the Corner before You’ve Got Mail. Then again, if you went to watch a movie based upon one of the Bard’s plays, you could be in the theater for weeks.

2) Someone really needs to keep Eddie Murphy away from the latex. Put down the big foam ass and slowly walk away, Mr. Murphy. I mean, come on. I’ve seen fat people in real life. I know there are fat people who want to be actors. Hire a few of them for the movie! Instead, he has to be, like, ten thousand different characters. “Look at me, I’m a young fat man! Look at me, I’m an old fat man! Look at me, I’m an old woman!” Who does he think he is, Bugs Bunny? Then again, seeing him kissing himself on screen says a lot about his self-image, I do believe. My thinking – if the man has a foam rubber and latex fetish, that’s all well and good. Just don’t flaunt it in front of everybody to make bajillions of dollars.

It probably will make bajillions too, as will Bedazzled. Hence, my anguish.

Okay, enough ranting for one night. I’m going to toddle off to bed and dream of hockey pucks.