I’m Back!

Hey gang. After days of electrical problems, ISP problems, chemo problems and general ennui, I have returned! And it’s all thanks to Conan O’Brien.

You see, I’m sitting in my chemo nest watching Conan O’Brien on MSNBC. I know – I was surprised too, but hey, it’s all NBC right? Regardless, even showing Family Guy won’t make me watch Fox News.

Anyway, I’m watching Conan and he’s introducing Denis Leary. “Actor, comedian..” and my immediate thought-addition was “raconteur.” I don’t recall what Conan said then, because I realized I had run into another one of my glazed words.

I read a lot. You can read that as present tense or past, though at the moment the past tense is more appropriate, as I’m currently in a holding pattern in front of my bookshelves. Because of this (the reading, not the hovering. Pay attention.), there are many words that I use without really knowing what they mean. Maybe I shouldn’t say “many.” Let’s say “some.” “Some” makes me sound smarter than “many.”

Somewhere on this site, I think I mentioned one of my other problem words – “erstwhile.” Of course, it’s not a problem now, because I had to look the word up awhile back when someone asked me what it meant. I had to tell him that I actually didn’t know. Turns out, it meant almost the opposite of what I thought it did. I won’t spoil the surprise for you – go look it up.

Enter “raconteur.” As I lay there on my floormattress in my underwear watching Conan, I thought “People don’t use the word ‘raconteur’ enough.” At one point, I thought I might apply this label to myself, possibly imagining that ‘raconteur’ was French for someone who sits around in boxer shorts and tan socks.

Actually, I had a feeling it was something more elegant (as only french words can be) and it turned out I was pretty much right. According to Merriam Webster, a raconteur is “a person who excels in telling anecdotes.” This means my erstwhile colleague can finally stuff it.

So now I have something else to add to my business card. I need more semi-obscure impressive-sounding adjectives for the card. I was watching Criss Angel’s Mindfreak the other day and after three episodes, the show really bothers me. It bothers me because everything he does could easily be camera tricks, with the stupid way they edit the show together. Regardless of the idiocy of the producers, I want a speaking part on this show. Why? In the last one I saw, when a member of his family talked on camera, it would have their name and their relation. Identification for non-family members? “Mindfreak Consultant.” I SO want that title!