Here Goes Everything

Well, tomorrow’s the big day – I go back on the sauce. I think we’ve done what we can to get ready for the latest chemo. We’ve moved around all of the heavy things in my workshop I want to have moved around, we’ve tried to put away all of the heavy things that need to be put away, I’ve signed up for Netflix again and we’ve put an air conditioner in the bedroom.

One additional way I’ve been getting ready – freaking the hell out. I am so not ready to start poisoning myself again. Here I thought having a layoff would be good for me, instead it’s given me the time to realize just how good it feels to feel normal. Well, except for these last few days. My sleeping pattern’s been all screwed up, partly due to the heat, partly due to the frickin’ Itch coming back with a vengeance, but probably mostly because of the trials ahead.

Other than the sleep thing, I think I’ve been keeping it together rather well, but you’d have to ask Barb for the real verdict. She always sees right through me. I know I’ve been mopey on occasion, and worse as Day -6 grows nearer, but I haven’t been completely inconsolable, I suppose.

I was going to go see Superman Returns today, as Barb and Mary went for a day at the spa. I figured it would be a good last day cheery thing to do for myself. Instead, it was pouring rain outside when I wanted to leave and I wound up falling asleep on the couch. Sleep is relaxation… TO THE EXTREME!!! After I woke up, I grilled a couple of steaks (take two, they’re small) to near perfection and watched Snatch for the billionth time. Still makes me laugh like a loon. Vinnie Jones should be in every movie.

Well, I guess I’ll go back to doing something else, assuming I can think of something to do. Maybe I’ll spend the next couple of hours trying to figure out how I’ll sleep through the night. Whee.