Geez – I did it again. I always thought lumbago was some kind of tropical disease. I blame Bugs Bunny for my misinformation. At least he got beri beri right. That’s what I get for trusting a rabbit in drag, I suppose.

I was quite disappointed, no – angered, by the fact that the caffeine content of our fridge was zero. That’s not including Diet Coke, ’cause that’s just wrong. Then this guy comes in the breakroom and starts griping that there was no decaffeinated tea. Nerds make us geeks nervous.

Then a thought occurred to me. I have two hot cans of Coke on my desk. This fridge has ice cubes in it. I did the math in my head. Hot Cokes + ice cubes + McDonald’s Monopoly Game souvenir cheapo plastic cup = happy Astro.

Things are slowly moving back to the blue end of the light spectrum now. At the moment, I’m enjoying that purple haze lying between the two. Ahhhhhhhhh…..

Man, I’m in a total do-nothing mode today. Not that I don’t have things to do – I have a ton, thank you very much. I just don’t want to do any of them. this is not a good thing, I wouldn’t think. Especially since I’m sure my boss is wondering what this weird web page screen is on my monitor every time he walks past. D’OH!

Maybe there’s some Coke in the fridge now. I swear, these drink people are trying their best to wean me off the caffeine. Annoying Little Burfing Dog is doing its best to make me switch to alcohol. Can’t these headphones get any louder?

I never much believed in reincarnation
Thought it was only people’s imagination
But now I’m forced into some reconsideration
Something’s happened to my cat that deserves some explanantion

William Shakespeare’s in my cat, my kitty is the bard
He used to be a playwright now he’s digging up the yard
He’s still a cat in most respects he likes to meow and purr
But now I introduce him as the cat who wrote Richard the Third

I took him to see Phantom, he said it was quite nice
But he can’t go see Miss Saigon until he kills some mice.

William Shakespeare’s in my cat it sometimes seems so deep,
The guy who wrote Twelfth Night chews on my socks while I’m asleep
I’m really quite impressed I own the cat who wrote MacBeth
But if something’s rotten in this state it’s just his fishy breath

‘Cause he wrote Romeo and Juliet
But his greatest story yet
Is coming back as someone’s pet
And gettin’ neutered by the vet
Got his paws caught in a net
Then he said to be or not to meeeeeow!

William Shakespeare’s in my cat he rarely ever talks
He makes his loudest statement standing in the litterbox
He sleeps on all my shelves and throws my books about the house
It doesn’t sound like prose when he bats his squeaky mouse

Same Beckett’s plays were witty, same thing for Bernard Shaw
Oscar Wilde is pretty, but none of them have paws

William Shakespeare’s in my cat he chases bits of fluff
John Milton’s in my goldfissh but I never liked his stuff
I’m thinking that Franz Kafka really came back as a bug
And I hope Andrew Lloyd Webber will stay underneath my rug

‘Cause he wrote Romeo and Juliet
But his greatest story yet
Is coming back as someone’s pet
And gettin’ neutered by the vet
Got his paws caught in a net
Then he said to be or not to meeeeeow!

Bagels make me happy. Even if they have strange little sticky things on the top of them.

Mmmmmmm…. strange little sticky things….. Wait. That sounds odd.

You know, the Annoying Little Burfing Dog may be annoying, but at least it’s cute in a goofy sort of way. The person in the next row towards me from ALBD has an UGLY ass dog at his desk. On of those dogs with its face smooshed in. Pug? Probably, ’cause the phrase “pug ugly” sure fits for this dog. Yeeks.

I just remembered something I was going to put up here after thinking about my beloved Chasing Amy DVD. I’m a creature of impulses and that movie is one reason why. Well, not the movie itself, but the thought of the movie. Or something.

Look. I put off getting this (and the Fifth Element) for awhile, ’cause I told myself that I should wait, stay within my strict (right) DVD budget, find the best deal for it, etc. Then I go crazy, splurge and get it. I watch it and it brings me great joy and happiness. Which brings me to two unsafe-to-the-pocketbook conclusions:

1) If I want to get something, I might as well get it right then, ’cause I’m eventually going to find a way to rationalize getting it (I believe with the aforementioned movies it was “You know, I brought my lunch four of the five days last week, so that’s like $24 right there.” Of course, I was doing that ’cause I needed the $24 for some other purpose, but I’ve quickly managed to forget what that was. More on that later.)

2) Chances are, whatever I want is going to bring great joy and pleasure into my life and I’m all about joy and pleasure. Why put it off? Get it now!

You know, Napster is just not behaving today. It’s taking forever to log in to downl… uhhh… to see what kind of law breakers there are out there, since I would never use such a horrid and freedom limiting program for my own personal gains! Just doing my part as Mr. John Q. Citizen, all of you .gov visitors! And neither would my wife… Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Annoying Little Burfing Dog has arrived and, naturally, is already burfing up a storm. Not to mention that guy who sits near the ABLD’s desk is going into total puppy-talk mode. Ick.
EXCERPT:
Elvis Presley – Fever

It is waaaaay too early in the morning to be putting up with stupid rhetorical questions. Since I come in to work blazingly early, I crank the WinAmp & jive along headphone-less until people start arriving. So one of our brilliant marketing/sales types walks past my desk.

“Morning! Got some tunes going on there?”
“Uhhhh… no. You must be hearing things. Does it sound like acid jazz? ‘Cause I’ve heard that people who hear acid jazz when there’s no music playing really need to never come to work and ask stupid questions again!”

At least I think that’s what my glare said to him.