Learned something important at lunch. Yes, that frightening little creature behind me is a Pug. Yes, everyone else think it’s creepy. Yes, that’s where “pug ugly” came from. Now if I knew what kind of animal the Burfer was, I could die happy.
I just love what Yahoo says about it: “A lean, leggy Pug and a dog with short legs and a long body are equally objectionable.” I would add that a pug falling between these criteria is objectionable too.
I come back from making copies (The A-meister! The A-Man! Makin’ copies! Copy-rama! Copy-licious!) and the marketing wank is using his hand to make an imaginary bar chart on the side of my cubicle to prove some obscure point. You know, one of those ratings kinds of bar charts:
“See, dolphins are this smart, humans are right about here, slugs are down here and this is about where you are, Marketing Wank.”
Of course, his bar chart has something to do with sales or marketing crap, but I tune that kind of talk out with either headphone music or loud, off-key humming. Talk about making people nervous.
Is it a bad thing to be eating dusty M&M’s? I’m of the mindset that any kind of M&M is a good M&M. Well, except for those crispy ones – they just suck. I wonder if there’s an alternate to the five second rule that covers food which hasn’t fallen but has instead just been sitting in one place for a long time. At least food that doesn’t do obvious things like change color, change smell, change shape or just crawl away. Maybe there’s a five day rule. If so, I just made it! Then again, I still think today’s Tuesday…
Isn’t it interesting how you lose all perception of time after not going to sleep for one night? I had the bright idea of staying up Monday night, since my hockey games were over at 12:30 and I wasn’t home until 1:30. Hey – only three hours until I usually wake up. Why not just stay up?
I learned why yesterday at about 6 AM. Oh man. I can’t believe I used to do this on a regular basis! then again, that was college and all you had to do was go to class. Wait a minute – I had to sit through lectures like this. How the hell did I pull that off? Must be one of those rose colored glances at the past going on here.
Today I feel much better after about 12 hours of sleep. Niiiiice. I woke up once at 9:00 last night, spent about ten minutes trying to figure out who/where I was, then back to blissful sleep. I’ve just been spending the day trying to figure out what day it is. It’s almost like my Tuesday didn’t even exist. Interesting. Just what I always wanted – 48 hours of Monday.
Okay, that’s probably all of the typing for today (I’ve heard that one before). I sliced open the back of my hand on Monday night trying to do a quick drive swap on the computer and it’s been giving me no end of trouble. Ah well – c’est ma vie.
Okay, I vote we take all of the sales and marketing people of the world, toss them onto a rocket and shoot them into the sun. Now by “sales and marketing people”, I don’t necessarily mean that anyone in this field gets an automatic one-way ticket. This also doesn’t mean it will only be people from this field – it’s all a mindset/personality sort of thing.
I should probably add heavily perfumed people to this list now, ’cause that flowery smelling guy just walked past. Creepy.
Anyhoo, we’re talking about that sales/marketing mindset/attitude. You know the people – glossy on the outside, empty on the inside. I tend to call these people sales/marketing ’cause they always seem to end up in this sort of job. Always handy with the insincere queries into your health, your well-being and your weekend. Ick. That smile with way too many teeth. Do people really buy into the false goodwill these people project? I would assume so, since things really are being sold out there. Quite a scary thought.
I was quite disappointed, no – angered, by the fact that the caffeine content of our fridge was zero. That’s not including Diet Coke, ’cause that’s just wrong. Then this guy comes in the breakroom and starts griping that there was no decaffeinated tea. Nerds make us geeks nervous.
Then a thought occurred to me. I have two hot cans of Coke on my desk. This fridge has ice cubes in it. I did the math in my head. Hot Cokes + ice cubes + McDonald’s Monopoly Game souvenir cheapo plastic cup = happy Astro.
Things are slowly moving back to the blue end of the light spectrum now. At the moment, I’m enjoying that purple haze lying between the two. Ahhhhhhhhh…..
Man, I’m in a total do-nothing mode today. Not that I don’t have things to do – I have a ton, thank you very much. I just don’t want to do any of them. this is not a good thing, I wouldn’t think. Especially since I’m sure my boss is wondering what this weird web page screen is on my monitor every time he walks past. D’OH!
Maybe there’s some Coke in the fridge now. I swear, these drink people are trying their best to wean me off the caffeine. Annoying Little Burfing Dog is doing its best to make me switch to alcohol. Can’t these headphones get any louder?
I never much believed in reincarnation
Thought it was only people’s imagination
But now I’m forced into some reconsideration
Something’s happened to my cat that deserves some explanantion
William Shakespeare’s in my cat, my kitty is the bard
He used to be a playwright now he’s digging up the yard
He’s still a cat in most respects he likes to meow and purr
But now I introduce him as the cat who wrote Richard the Third
I took him to see Phantom, he said it was quite nice
But he can’t go see Miss Saigon until he kills some mice.
William Shakespeare’s in my cat it sometimes seems so deep,
The guy who wrote Twelfth Night chews on my socks while I’m asleep
I’m really quite impressed I own the cat who wrote MacBeth
But if something’s rotten in this state it’s just his fishy breath
‘Cause he wrote Romeo and Juliet
But his greatest story yet
Is coming back as someone’s pet
And gettin’ neutered by the vet
Got his paws caught in a net
Then he said to be or not to meeeeeow!
William Shakespeare’s in my cat he rarely ever talks
He makes his loudest statement standing in the litterbox
He sleeps on all my shelves and throws my books about the house
It doesn’t sound like prose when he bats his squeaky mouse
Same Beckett’s plays were witty, same thing for Bernard Shaw
Oscar Wilde is pretty, but none of them have paws
William Shakespeare’s in my cat he chases bits of fluff
John Milton’s in my goldfissh but I never liked his stuff
I’m thinking that Franz Kafka really came back as a bug
And I hope Andrew Lloyd Webber will stay underneath my rug
‘Cause he wrote Romeo and Juliet
But his greatest story yet
Is coming back as someone’s pet
And gettin’ neutered by the vet
Got his paws caught in a net
Then he said to be or not to meeeeeow!
Bagels make me happy. Even if they have strange little sticky things on the top of them.
Mmmmmmm…. strange little sticky things….. Wait. That sounds odd.